I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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