You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
