Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
