You're so nebulous sometimes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
