I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
