I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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