Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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