your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
