oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize