A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
