ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
