I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
