She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
