so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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