my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
