I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
