I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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