to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
