There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
