Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
