Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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