I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
