i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize