I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
