I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
