having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
