Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
