I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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