I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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