he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize