Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
