Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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