just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
