Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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