What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
