Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
