You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
