If i come over, it means nothing
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
