this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
