please come you make the beer taste better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
