Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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