she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
