I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
