I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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