I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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