im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
