You can't motorboat a personality
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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