If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
