I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
