Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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