This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
