Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
