Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
