party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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