I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
