His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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