dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize