I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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