My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
