just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
