...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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