I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
