Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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